Why do tantrums occur

Remind yourself that your job is helping your child learn to calm down. So you need to be calm too. Tantrums should be handled differently depending on why your child is upset. Sometimes, you may need to provide comfort.

If your child is tired or hungry, it's time for a nap or a snack. Other times, its best to ignore an outburst or distract your child with a new activity. If a tantrum is happening to get attention from parents, one of the best ways to reduce this behavior is to ignore it. If a tantrum happens after your child is refused something, stay calm and don't give a lot of explanations for why your child can't have what he wants.

Move on to another activity with your child. If a tantrum happens after your child is told to do something she does not want to do, it's best to ignore the tantrum.

But be sure that you follow through on having your child complete the task after she is calm. Kids who are in danger of hurting themselves or others during a tantrum should be taken to a quiet, safe place to calm down. This also applies to tantrums in public places. If a safety issue is involved and a toddler repeats the forbidden behavior after being told to stop, use a time-out or hold the child firmly for several minutes.

Be consistent. Don't give in on safety issues. Preschoolers and older kids are more likely to use tantrums to get their way if they've learned that this behavior works. For school-age kids, it's appropriate to send them to their rooms to cool off while paying little attention to the behavior.

Rather than setting a specific time limit, tell your child to stay in the room until he or she regains control. This is empowering — kids can affect the outcome by their own actions, and thus gain a sense of control that was lost during the tantrum.

But if the time-out is for a tantrum plus negative behavior such as hitting , set a time limit. Do not reward your child's tantrum by giving in. They are a way a child communicates his or her feelings. Parents can learn from their child by understanding what caused the temper tantrum to erupt. Temper tantrums often start at about 1 year of age. They continue until age 2 to 3.

They start to happen less often as a child becomes more able to communicate his or her wants and needs. As a young child learns more and becomes more independent, they want to do more than they can physically and emotionally manage. This is frustrating to the child. Keep your parenting consistent — for example, don't change what you expect as reasonable behaviour just because you feel tired and it seems easier to give in.

It's not easier in the long run. Give your child plenty of attention and compliment them when they are behaving well. Take note of which factors and events trigger these expressions of feelings and think up ways to cope. For example, if your child 'loses it' when they are in the car, plan for car travel to be more enjoyable by playing your child's favourite music and stocking the car with special toys.

Take notice of your child's behaviour before a big feeling so that you can step in and avoid them altogether in the future — for example, an afternoon nap or distraction with a favourite storybook may work if tiredness is a trigger. Encourage your child to use words to express their wants and needs as much as they can. Praise them for any attempts to use words. Reward your child for coping with frustration — for example, using words to communicate wants and needs instead of kicking or screaming.

Tips for coping with outbursts of big feelings tantrums If your child is expressing big feelings: Keep calm — model the behaviour that you want your child to display. Use distraction whenever possible — this is particularly effective for younger children who have short attention spans.

If you know that it helps, and you are somewhere that it is safe to do so, allow your child some space and time on their own until they calm down. Perhaps they may need to stay in their room. Some children become more traumatised when left alone. If this is the case, keep them close by and make sure they are safe. Console them as soon as the big feeling is over. Recognise when the big feeling has subsided and console the child immediately to reassure them they are okay, and that you love them.

Avoid giving in to their demands. If your child is having a big feeling because they don't want to do something — for example, have a bath — wait until they are calm.

Then tell them that it's good that they've calmed down, but they still need a bath. Try not to lose your temper. If you feel that you are becoming angry, distract yourself.

If it is safe to do so, leave the room, play music, read a magazine or do anything else that works for you. Big feelings tantrums in public Sometimes, your child will express big feelings in a public place such as a supermarket. Suggestions for managing expressions of big feelings in public include: Remember that everyone who is a parent will be feeling for you.

Reassure yourself that most onlookers understand what you are going through. Stick to your tantrum strategy no matter what. Challenging Behavior. Pro Tips for Managing Toddler Tantrums. Putting Parent Burnout to Bed. Skip to main content Skip to footer. Close Search Submit. Upcoming Events. Learning Center. Search Submit. MacLaughlin Although tantrums can surely be unpleasant, try to see them as opportunities for your child to learn—about rules and limits, about feelings, and about self-regulation—all critical skills for life.

Tweetable Takeway Tantrums happen when toddlers are overwhelmed, beyond their ability to cope.